Amazing SpiderMan: The reaction
by Anonymius
Summary: While Sammy The Slug is excited about the upcoming Spider-Man movie, the Commentator however is alot more pessimistic...
1. Chapter 1

Sammy: Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy! The new Spider-Man movie is coming out tomorrow! Hey Boss! Aren't you excited?

Commentator: Meh.

Sammy: (Stares at him) Meh? MEH? How can you say 'meh' to one of the most anticipated movies since the Avengers?

Commentator: Quite easily, Sammy. I have no interest in seeing the new Spider-Man movie. EVER.

Sammy: -What? Not even to commentate on?

(The Commentator stares at Sammy)

Commentator: AHAHA! AHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA! Ah. Oh. You were being serious. No Sammy. Not even to do that.

Sammy: But Boss? How can you not be excited?

Professor: Sir, is this because it's a reboot?

Commentator: No, I was initially for the reboot! When I heard the news I thought 'hey! A rejuvenation is just what this franchise needed!' That was before I learnt that they were going to redo the origin story again!

Sammy: So? What's wrong with that?

Commentator: WHAT'S WRONG? Sam, it's too soon, that's what's wrong!

Sammy: Oh come on, Boss! I mean, if people accepted 'Batman Begins' as a retelling of the origin story, then why not 'The Amazing Spider-Man'.

Commentator: Because Sam, no. 1, the time gap between 'Batman' and 'Batman Begins' is larger than that between 'Spider-Man' and 'The amazing Spider-Man', and secondly, 'Batman Begins' came out at a time when people had given up and moved on from the Batman franchise not expectantly waiting for the next film before being told 'bad news and good news, folks! The old team has left, so we're going to start from the beginning all over again!'

Sammy: You mean like how you did when you lost all your progress on 'Heavy Rain' when it froze towards the end and you tried to unplug and replug it only to find that all your precious hours were corrupted?

(The Commentator stares at Sammy, before pulling a chain that causes a piano to fall on Sammy).

Commentator: You had to remind me of that experience, didn't you, Sammy. Look, I'm not the only one who thinks this! Just listen to the expert!

Doctor: It's true. It's like I was telling this rebooter earlier, that contrary to popular opinion, reboots DON'T solve all your film problems! Because if you reboot a movie that's already good, you risk alienating those who enjoy the original, and if you repeat the same basic story too soon, people will just end up comparing the two movies and may decide that the original's better. Only reboot something if it's really bad and if you do repeat the same story, make sure there's a sufficient time gap before you do! I mean how can you take the Incredible Hulk as an example where reboots work, yet completely ignore the fact of what they didn't do was REPEAT the origin story! They just recapped the story in the credits, which could have easily have been done in the opening credits of a Spider-Man movie! I mean it's like making all of your movies 3D, yet ignoring the fact that Avatar was FILMED, rather than CONVERTED. And we all know how that turned out! Although 'Voyage of the Dawn Treader' wasn't too bad.

Commentator: There, you see?

Professor: Sir, I fear that like most parodiers, you're only assuming that everyone thinks exactly the same as you, and I think that you're just thinking it is bad out of prejudice out of the one thing you didn't like them doing. I on the other hand believe that not only will many people want to see it, but it will be critically acclaimed as well.

Commentator: Prof, listen to me. It's going to be a disaster! It's going to have mixed reviews due to all the ways it's going to try to be different and darker and grittier (because backfiring is what tends to happen), and it's going to be a box office bomb, and poor Andrew Garfield's career is going to plummet because people are gonna blame him for the movie's failure for not being a big enough star even though Chris Hemsworth was hardly a big movie star and his first big movie was a commercial success!

Professor: Well we'll just have to see who's right tomorrow, shant we?

Commentator: Yes. Yes we shall.

* * *

**P.S. I do not own Doctor Who or anything related.**


	2. Result

July 3rd, Premiere of 'The Amazing Spider-Man'

Sammy: Hey Boss! Someone responded to your argument from last night!

Commentator: Ugh. Don't remind me of that. I could have done a lot better if Anonymius hadn't written it at the last minute.

Sammy: Well it has been a while since he's written anything, Boss! Also he may be a bit more hesitant to publish things ever since-

Commentator: SHH! We swore never to speak of that moment. I mean look at this! I dropped a piano on you just because you reminded me of the incident with Heavy Rain? That made we look way too callous! If only I can remember the original reason for wanting to pull that rope. Oh now I remember! We somehow got onto the subject of Spider-Man 3 whereas you just accepted the general view that it was rubbish and I said it wasn't that bad. Well not first time watching it then you-

Sammy: AHAHAHA! AHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA! Ah. Oh. You were being serious.

(The Commentator stares at him, before pulling a rope and a pile of scaffolding fall on top of Sammy)

Commentator: See? That was alot more of a reasonable reason for wanting to drop something heavy on you! Now let's see what this guy said:

Hmm. You make decent arguments, but I hope you don't mind if I make a pathetic attempt at a rebuttal. Yes, "The Amazing Spider-Man" is a retelling of the origin story. It just so happens to be done in an entirely new way. For starters, Peter's dad has something to do with it. For another, it seems to be while he's working with Dr. Connors on a serum to rewrite DNA and create a cross-species. It would appear that the spider was a carrier of this serum, so it did EXACTLY what it was supposed to do.  
Yes, I know, I don't make any actual good points. I just wanted to put in my two cents.  
One more thing. If it's a reboot, why WOULDN'T they retell the origin story? How is it a reboot if they don't begin at the beginning? Hmm?

Commentator: Oh I don't know, 'The Incredible Hulk' managed to do a reboot without focusing on the origin story! They just recapped everything in the opening credits, which could have easily been done in a Spider-Man movie! I think I remember mentioning that last night. Anyway, 'Superman Returns' didn't retell the origin story and that was a reboot.

Sammy: What? No it wasn't, Boss!

Commentator: -What do you mean it wasn't a reboot, Sam, it was essentially a brand new superman story with a brand new cast, how was that not a reboot?

Sammy: Because it wasn't successful! Like all true reboots are!

(The Commentator stares at Sammy, before pulling a string and an elephant drops on Sammy)

Commentator: Sigh. Must I drop something on you every chapter, Sam? However, you do bring up a couple of good points, reviewer! I am forced to admit by this writer (Damn you, Anonymius!).

(The Professor enters and, startled by the elephant, walks around it)

Professor: By the way, Sir, I thought I'd let you know, the ratings on 'Rotten Tomatoes' for 'The Amazing Spider-Man' are out.

Commentator: Aha! Excellent! Now the whole world shall bow to me as the great predicter who foresaw Amazing Spider-Man's mediocrity!

Professor: -You sound pretty confident in your view, Sir.

Commentator: Of course I am! I'm a genius who is always right! Who worked out that Harry Potter would undergo a resurrection when most of Harry Potter fandom thought he was going to do die because "that was the only way the series could end"? Who predicted that the Jimmy Olsen in Smallville wasn't the real Jimmy Olsen? Who held faith that the Smallville writers would the right that whole age thing when most people seemed to accept it was a "wonderful reimaging and retelling of the Superman story?" Who knew that Tobi wasn't really Madara Uchiha and that the real Madara was in that final coffin? Who knew that Peter Bishop's theory that he was in a parallel universe as opposed to an altered timeline was complete and utter bogus? Moi! Moi! Moi! MOI! Moimoimoiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

Professor: Yes, and it's a shame that your views were never made public before it turned out you were right, proving that you were right as opposed to just claiming you foresaw what others didn't.

Commentator: Indeed. Which is why it was crucial that this got posted before Spider-Man came on the cinema! At last, people will have proof of my brilliance, and many across the website shall flock around me!

Professor: Um, Sir-

Commentator: And I shall dominate the website, and from that position my influence shall spread across the Internet and-

Professor: The film got 72% positive.

Commentator: ….Wha?

Professor: 72% of critics liked the movie. That means only 28% hated it.

Commentator: -Let me see that!

(Pushes the Professor aside to look at the computer. His jaw drops)

Commentator: Ah damnit! That means they really will go ahead with rebooting Batman if rebooting Spider-Man was successful.

Professor: Well. I think someone owes Marc Webb an apology.

Commentator: But I was so sure! So sure that all the attempts at trying to make Spider-Man like Batman would ultimately backfire! It's a scientific fact that one force creates an equal and opposite reaction! In this case trying to make a movie a certain way in order to boost sales regardless of good storytelling and directing would result in people being put off by the movie! Just look at the Joel Schumacher films!

Professor: Yes well it seems that in this case making Spider-Man darker, grittier and more realistic and down to Earth has actually worked.

Commentator: How was this Spider-Man movie more realistic and down to Earth than any of the others? What, are they simply calling it that because "darker" and "grittier" equals more "realistic" and "down to Earth"? I mean doesn't anyone remember that the reason Peter Parker had organic webshooters before was because Sam Raimi felt this high school student inventing webshooters was stretching the audience's suspense of belief a tad bit too far? I know we made fun of it in the past but still-

Professor: (Reading the screen on the computer) Although, despite the positive reception, a general criticism is that the film feels too repetitive in regards to the first Spider-Man film.

Commentator: AHA! See? I warned you! I told you that would happen! I told you that repeating the origin story was a bad idea!

Professor: Didn't stop people from saying this was a good movie though, did it?

Commentator: No, but it just might put people off from seeing this movie.

Professor: (Looking through some papers) I think the current numbers for the film say otherwise.

Commentator: Pfft, numbers, what do they know? Okay, maybe the film has done well critically, but commercially I still think it's going to fail.

Professor: Well if the film does fail to pass the box office success mark after July the 20th I think people would rather blame it on Dark Knight Rises rather than no one wanting to see the origin story again. That's usually how these things goes. So, since it's done so well critically, do you think you will want to see it?

Commetnator: (Considers this) Nah. I have no interest in seeing the origin story again.

Sammy: WHAT? But boss, it got 72% positive reviews! 72%!

Commentator: I don't care if it was the greatest movie ever! One origin story for Spider-man is enough for me! If I want to know what happens, I'll just read the synopsis on Wikipedia.

Professor: -This coming from someone who had no problem watching 'Batman Begins' only months after watching 'Batman'?

Commentator: -GASP! That was completely different!

Professor: What? How is that different? Doesn't it completely punch a hole in your whole "Nobody would want to watch the origin story too soon after the first one?" argument.

Commentator: No! Because whereas I was just watching a sixteen year old movie,-

Sammy: Well I for one don't care ! I'm going to watch the new Spider-Man whether you want me to or not!

Commentator: -No Sam. No you're not.

Sammy: You can't stop me!

Commentator: (Grinning) Oh, but I don't need to.

Sammy: What do you mean?

Commentator: Have you forgotten, Sammy? We're just fictional characters residing in some guy's head. We only see what he sees. And believe me, he feels the exact same about the movie as me!

Sammy: Wait, but that means-

Commentator: That's right!

Sammy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Commentator: MWAHAHA!AHAHAHAHA!NYAHAHAHAHAHA-

_Will the Commentator be proven right? Will the Amazing Spider-Man turn out to be a box office bomb? Will Anonymius ever see the Amazing Spider-Man? Find next time on- whatever Anonymius decides to post in order to respond to what happened!_

(The Commentator is reading Spider-Man's synopsis on wikipedia)

Commentator: This got positive reviews?


End file.
